ChRySaNtE

...nEw rOoM nEw wOr|d...

After so many days of indulging in my own world, didn't know what is it outside again. Seems like it's always like that.. when sumtimes new comes into the life, every other thing in life which I have planned is being forgetten, or rather put aside.
All this while, I have been busy with rediscovering space for my room. Had been going everywhere to look up for a new bedframe, a colour that I never thought I would paint on my walls, and packing my stuff. Now I'm typing this journal underneath by bed, at my workstation. It did helps to save much space though. The colour of my walls evolves from dirty yellow to bright light green. Much thanks to mum and joe's help. Manage to finish the glowing puzzle and its frame too.

Talking about Joe, he had been a great help all this while. From accompanying me to Ikea to shop for bedframe, to painting my room, and running about to get materials for my puzzle and its frame. He had even bought an air-purifier to put at my place in case the paints smells awful. Seems like he had help to accomplish 3 of my dreams. I told mum if not for him, I might take longer time to do all this, I might not be able to accomplish all this dreams at all. Strangely Mum replied, 'It's just that you did not allow the others to help'. erm...and I think it sounds true somehow, and people ard me will understand this too.

Then again, I really wonder if I had made the correct choice. I always believe in mum, what and how she analyze and justify things. BUT when comes to relationships, esp new relations, she will always criticised my partners first, and start to add points from negative 100. It used to be like that, it is still the same as before. But no matter how she sees things, there's always a reason behind.

I shared many things with her, told her i how i met joe, how a person he is. Told her about the tattoo things and some other habits he had, his past, his present and most importantly, how he treat me. To be frank, she's really really open-minded enough to accept all these that I have told her.

She knows me best and start to tackle at my weak points. She keeps reminding me of my past again, how i gave up the previous relation, whether did i really give up, and will i regret giving up. Actually, i have no answer. Never thought of answering it anyway. Then she makes me see things from her view, how as a parent she'll feel and what she hopes for me. Made me rediscover the criterias of an ideal partner i used to have long time ago and compared with the present. Infact from our conversation, other than worries, I realised she didn't want me to give up the 'correct' guy in her heart. And whether or not this person is the 'correct' guy in my heart, is another question again..another question which i don't know how to answer. Then again, she makes me see, although the previous relation was ended by the other party, I was the one who did not treasure the effort when the other party tried to patch.

Many times i told myself, this isn't a question anymore. Stop worrying and proceed. But when mum pops this question again, i realised i'm escaping from the fact. Is there any corrections in life? Is there an 'if'? And IF there is..will i be able to pause from the future and go back to correct anythings that i left in the past? I've pack my room, my things, but when it's a time to pack my feelings? Well, mayb I'm just thinking too much. Maybe I'm just too 'Bo Liao' and decide to create this entry to occupy your time. hehe..

posted by ChRySaNtE @ 6:21 PM