ChRySaNtE

its's been 5years... since the last entry..

M glad... that i'm still able to login this blog to post instead of flashing it in fb and ig...

During the past 5 years, major incidents that taken much of my time...

2014 - Moved in to my new condo...
2015 - Enjoying flying being a leader.
2016 - Quit 4/16 due to Preg, delivered on 16/11, confinement 1month was torturous and I suspect I had mild depression... was crying literally everyday over the smallest incident.
2017 - Being a Stay At Home Mummy wasn't easy at all but i pull through. Bake up a small dessert table for Ez 1st Birthday was an achievement though I didn't get much feedback.
2018 - #midlifecrisis. M in a dilemma to go back flying or to get a ground job.... End up chosing to work back in property industry and pray it works for me.

Current...

Memories of flying flashes at me everytime I laid on bed.... the moments in Narita shopping in 100yen/daiso/Aeon... that sakura blossom in march/april... that shrine visiting... then to London walking down that cooling street to my usual shopping location.. i missed that shop alone session where i can spend whole day hopping in and out of the boutiques there.. selfridges primark etc... and even flashes of having biryani and curry in mumbai... then to paris lafayette... then to my usual korean hotpot in LA... and the factory outlets.... and then to myeongdong... and then to pasta joint and penny mart in that so called village in frankurt...then to zurich... and i miss that breakfast in moscow marriott hotel near that stadium....missed that shopping and breakfast in NYC manhattan....

.. how i wish.. i could do it again...but i'm tied up... wings are clipped... it's pretty painful..

its masked in joy thou... seeing my little imp cheekily smiling at me... whining at me...sitting on my lap.. and sometimes asking for a hug....

I'm glad that I still have this blog... An avenue to shout. Any readers (which I doubt there's any), please, it's just what I felt and would like to share.. no action is required on your part. Thanks and much appreciated.

On 30 May 04 I've made an entry dedicated to that person, G, who once abandoned our relationship. Today, 20 Dec 13, I will make another entry dedicated to him, for abandoning our friendship, finally.

G was a guy friend, I kept close to my heart. For I always tell my besties, he's one of the two guy friend I kept in contact with. Our broke up in 2004, didn't land us turn our backs against each other. Not even our subsequent new found relationships. Instead, there were times I felt I could share certain things with him than when we were together. His mum didn't learn about our breakup, until I met J one yr after. Nevertheless, G n I kept in contact, we share our stories, have meals and movies - simple friends.

2012 was the last time I saw him - I've invited him and his gf to my wedding. Was very happy for him, for he finally met up with his first love again and re-ignite that sparks.

Jul 13
Received a call from G, requesting for the past conversations we had, as the gf seems to have develop some misunderstanding between G n I. Acceding to his request perhaps was my greatest mistake. I offered to explain for him, but he say he will let me know if it's necessary. From then on, there was no news of him.

Many times, I wanted to ask how has he been. For once or twice I tried to text him, but there wasn't any reply. And I left it hanging, believing everything will be fine, all they need is time to solve the issue.

Dec 2013
Five months down, how long do they need? I've decided to clarify the issue once and for all.

Day 1
"Halo.. G!!! Wad happen in the end u haven feed me w updates n then mia..?"

There was no reply. So I thought he may be busy, let's give him another day to reply....


Day 2
"Eh fren... Really ignore my msg?? Or forbidden to reply?? Any of which I can understand.. I just hope to know everything's fine at least u r still alive!!! As a fren, that's s far s I can go.. And pls dun make me bear that 3rd party accusation k.. It's not fair to me and I dun like it.. Esp when we r long time fren.. N I dunno how that idea got into u 2...??"

Still there was no reply. I thought it was very rude. I thought I at least a message to say, "Hey, I'm fine!" Or "Don't text me anymore" would suffice. And don't make me feel like an idiot trying to close that gap. Was it pure ignorance?? Or did he changed his number... Or...... I dunno...

Shall I leave him a message in his fb?? I logged in to see he's profile. There wasn't any pictures. That's strange... He loves photography and would have taken loads of nice pictures that might even crash the system. Then I thought either I was blocked, which there's no point in doing so... and I realized I was actually removed from his friends list. Couldn't believe what I'm seeing. So I searched again for his name, only to see that 63 mutual friends... again and again...

It hurts... very much suddenly..  不闻不问, 并不代表不在乎, but there's no need for that.


Day 3
"G, with previous message unanswered, I dunno if this message gets to u. And only got to find out the unfren in fb. It hurts to c the many mutual frenz we have yet u chose to make me invisible. All this doesn't matter, wad matter is u dun even have the courage to tell me!!!

If the issue is me, then tell me, I accept n apologized to u or her. But not allowing me to explain and ask me to accept my punishment is very unfair...so pls tell me wads gg on.. at least for the last time and i know I shouldn't be harassing.

By avoiding me doesn't help. You know it better. It's the trust u n her share!!! An I cannot help you by stepping in, neither by killing me and not acknowledging me as a fren will solve e issue...

If I'm not the issue..then y need the ignore liddat?"

He finally replied 4hours later, "U have no right to make assumptions or pass judgement in my own relationship that there's no trust. I don't need to explain anything to u. Don't contact me anymore"

Strong message with a very very cold feelings. I realized who was replying. If this is from G, he really had changed. But I chose to believe in myself, my judgement of G, he was manipulated. But why did G have to let the gf handle this message?? I was angry and embarrassed...

As I analyzed the reply, 'trust' was the only word that struck the person who replies.
I wanted to reply badly to prove my point, "I did not say there's no trust in u'r rs, but if trust is the word that affects u, then it's a reality affirmation for u." But being sarcastic doesn't help, and I felt really childish. So I replied, "thks for replying..."

Thankful that I could stop closing that gap anymore in future, thankful that I won't be blame for it. Thankful that he's found someone whom he can dump the whole world for. Thankful that I've finally seen that cowardly him that abandons the friendship for sake of love, and has no sense of guilt, who couldn't control his gf but got controlled by her, who have forgotten our 14yrs of friendship(99-13), and can still sleep soundly after saying those hurtful words. I'm very thankful for saving myself from someone not worth, anymore.

For the 14 years of friendship, I give you all my blessings for maybe this is how life should be for you.

And I will mourn for your death, Ju'zi - as you have passed away in my memory.

Nov 2012

My first flight as a leading was Dps turnaround. The flight was smooth and of course with anxiety, and the occasional silly mistakes made on annoucements.

One memorable one was on my 3rd flight, first performance review on HKG-SFO flight with STBL. I was checked not on the 1st leg, not the 2nd, neither the 3rd leg. The check was on the last leg, busiest, shortest flight time, fullest load with high number of special meals. And best of all, I was given a very junior stewardess, acting on a steward duty. STBL kind of gave me a reason (which he doesn't need to) that it was to see my "true character" rather than my "acting" on the first 2 legs of journey. Well he succeed in trying to get me killed. Anyway the check was the first and last lousiest check I've ever received till date.

I was corrected for procedures that I didn't do wrongly. With the number of crew and the experience of the crew assigned to me, I was faulted for not going according to procedures. Even with the reasons I had to support myself, I was condemned with the excuse that "I did not take 'him', the purser seriously...".  The check report is definitely a demoralizing one, one that finds all fault and sees no potential to develop. If that was not enough, the check was submitted and when received by higher management ML, I was questioned for why the poor review, yet again, re-traumatizing. Same thing happen as it was yet again mishandled by ML, claiming that STBL wasn't wrong in correcting me. But, as I questioned, was I wrong in the first place. He couldn't answer and all he could rattled is STBL wasn't wrong. By the end of the call, ML was asking me to write an email to thank him for "briefing" me on this check review. It is so obvious ML was at his current position in hopes to extend a few more years of his contract, he wasn't really interested in the betterment of his subordinates! In fact he didn't want to help me in fighting the case, in worry that he might offend STBL who is as senior as he is.




(((
Incident: 38-40 spml out of 228 load, given fss a 2nd time C2.
1) Was corrected child meal request. I have instructed my girl to serve the children who did not request for kids' meal, after I'm freed of all other special meals distribution, which was not required of me to do so, as long as I serve them first as I pushed out the carts. According to STBL, I should serve them before all other special meals, but after those requested kids' meal. So I was marked one point down on procedures.
2) Guideline was to serve drinks every 12 special meal trays went out which I skipped that idea due to high number of special meals to be handle by limited manpower. STBL insisted and therefore I release 2 girls to accomplished what he had requested. While they carrying out their duties, in a wrong way, I was fault for not overlooking them. To remind you that I was still halfway giving the next 20 trays of special meals, running in the cabin ALONE. Was marked 4points down.
3) Was faulted because I should be the one instructing my C2 what trays to pull out instead of at her convenience. When I reasoned out that she is not as experience and if I were to ask her to pull a certain tray setting she would take a longer time, which can delay the service, STBL said I didn't take him seriously. Was given generally rather adverse comments.
4) STBL said, "I've purposely arrange the review on the last track to see your true 'colors'." What had I done to make him feel that all this while I was acting??
5) After check has been submitted, WL ML called to say, "Hey what happened? I thought was a junior's check review, when I see it's a senior's one, I almost fainted!!" So as I questioned back politely," Since you said it's unbelievable (indirectly), and you can tell from my past records of my good performance, may i still asked for a 2nd review?". His replied was, "No man!! Never ask me again for a re-check!!" .. End of the conversation, "Oh yes, before we hung up, later, would you send me an email to thank me for briefing you on this review. Just email me will do."
)))