ChRySaNtE

I'm glad that I still have this blog... An avenue to shout. Any readers (which I doubt there's any), please, it's just what I felt and would like to share.. no action is required on your part. Thanks and much appreciated.

On 30 May 04 I've made an entry dedicated to that person, G, who once abandoned our relationship. Today, 20 Dec 13, I will make another entry dedicated to him, for abandoning our friendship, finally.

G was a guy friend, I kept close to my heart. For I always tell my besties, he's one of the two guy friend I kept in contact with. Our broke up in 2004, didn't land us turn our backs against each other. Not even our subsequent new found relationships. Instead, there were times I felt I could share certain things with him than when we were together. His mum didn't learn about our breakup, until I met J one yr after. Nevertheless, G n I kept in contact, we share our stories, have meals and movies - simple friends.

2012 was the last time I saw him - I've invited him and his gf to my wedding. Was very happy for him, for he finally met up with his first love again and re-ignite that sparks.

Jul 13
Received a call from G, requesting for the past conversations we had, as the gf seems to have develop some misunderstanding between G n I. Acceding to his request perhaps was my greatest mistake. I offered to explain for him, but he say he will let me know if it's necessary. From then on, there was no news of him.

Many times, I wanted to ask how has he been. For once or twice I tried to text him, but there wasn't any reply. And I left it hanging, believing everything will be fine, all they need is time to solve the issue.

Dec 2013
Five months down, how long do they need? I've decided to clarify the issue once and for all.

Day 1
"Halo.. G!!! Wad happen in the end u haven feed me w updates n then mia..?"

There was no reply. So I thought he may be busy, let's give him another day to reply....


Day 2
"Eh fren... Really ignore my msg?? Or forbidden to reply?? Any of which I can understand.. I just hope to know everything's fine at least u r still alive!!! As a fren, that's s far s I can go.. And pls dun make me bear that 3rd party accusation k.. It's not fair to me and I dun like it.. Esp when we r long time fren.. N I dunno how that idea got into u 2...??"

Still there was no reply. I thought it was very rude. I thought I at least a message to say, "Hey, I'm fine!" Or "Don't text me anymore" would suffice. And don't make me feel like an idiot trying to close that gap. Was it pure ignorance?? Or did he changed his number... Or...... I dunno...

Shall I leave him a message in his fb?? I logged in to see he's profile. There wasn't any pictures. That's strange... He loves photography and would have taken loads of nice pictures that might even crash the system. Then I thought either I was blocked, which there's no point in doing so... and I realized I was actually removed from his friends list. Couldn't believe what I'm seeing. So I searched again for his name, only to see that 63 mutual friends... again and again...

It hurts... very much suddenly..  不闻不问, 并不代表不在乎, but there's no need for that.


Day 3
"G, with previous message unanswered, I dunno if this message gets to u. And only got to find out the unfren in fb. It hurts to c the many mutual frenz we have yet u chose to make me invisible. All this doesn't matter, wad matter is u dun even have the courage to tell me!!!

If the issue is me, then tell me, I accept n apologized to u or her. But not allowing me to explain and ask me to accept my punishment is very unfair...so pls tell me wads gg on.. at least for the last time and i know I shouldn't be harassing.

By avoiding me doesn't help. You know it better. It's the trust u n her share!!! An I cannot help you by stepping in, neither by killing me and not acknowledging me as a fren will solve e issue...

If I'm not the issue..then y need the ignore liddat?"

He finally replied 4hours later, "U have no right to make assumptions or pass judgement in my own relationship that there's no trust. I don't need to explain anything to u. Don't contact me anymore"

Strong message with a very very cold feelings. I realized who was replying. If this is from G, he really had changed. But I chose to believe in myself, my judgement of G, he was manipulated. But why did G have to let the gf handle this message?? I was angry and embarrassed...

As I analyzed the reply, 'trust' was the only word that struck the person who replies.
I wanted to reply badly to prove my point, "I did not say there's no trust in u'r rs, but if trust is the word that affects u, then it's a reality affirmation for u." But being sarcastic doesn't help, and I felt really childish. So I replied, "thks for replying..."

Thankful that I could stop closing that gap anymore in future, thankful that I won't be blame for it. Thankful that he's found someone whom he can dump the whole world for. Thankful that I've finally seen that cowardly him that abandons the friendship for sake of love, and has no sense of guilt, who couldn't control his gf but got controlled by her, who have forgotten our 14yrs of friendship(99-13), and can still sleep soundly after saying those hurtful words. I'm very thankful for saving myself from someone not worth, anymore.

For the 14 years of friendship, I give you all my blessings for maybe this is how life should be for you.

And I will mourn for your death, Ju'zi - as you have passed away in my memory.