ChRySaNtE

...meeting w my old class mate...

MeEt oUt with ah pei, my pri-sch bestest pal today. Updated her with my lastest news and events. Pour out my heartfelt feelings too. Indeed, working has changed my character alot. After starting work, the sense of jealousy, sense of ignorance, sense of inferior grew in me, bringing my morale to a lower level. The righteous, kind-heartedness, justice no longer rules my mind and heart. Infact, I should say, everything starts from scratch; and mine, starts from incidents of betrayal, and sense of injustice and unfairness.

Had been telling ah pei how low i felt taking up the job, though she was says i'd been thinking too much, pressuring myself for comparing with the others. She sounds 50% right, and i tink leading an inactive life makes up the other 50%. Miraculously, she is still able to understand me, after we have distant since secondary school. Told her how my thinking developed till a stage where i didn't know, in a way or another, i'm despising the others. She couldn't accept my way of thinking then.

Thought of telling myself never to look back. But in the end i still did, and all i remembered was being kind-hearted. Well, I realised that this kind-heartedness no longer lives in me. I lost the cheerfulness. I'm now tired and narrowed-minded. What's wrong with me..feeling helpless.. i need someone who can brainwash me again.. i need someone to guide me back and solve my anger, basically i need someone with a buddha's heart to psycho me back.

I'm now stuck in this place, I want to bring myself out. I failed and it beats me back to square one, timid little me. I want to be back to me, what i used to be. Lucky that I'm still determined, and i know I'll be back. Wait for me. I'll changed to be better I promised myself.

posted by ChRySaNtE @ 1:48 AM